THINGS I'M AFRAID TO TELL YOU
Friday, May 18, 2012 at 7:02AM 
So, if you haven't seen, there is this movement THINGS I'M AFRAID TO TELL YOU about sharing beyond the pretty pretty pictures we share day to day. It is a wonderful idea started by Jess Constable and embraced by Ez of Creature Comforts. About letting everyone in on our big secrets so we can share inspiration without trying to compare ourselves to others. So, I thought I would share something I have been thinking for a while now. I need to regroup. Kind of one of those breaks that may or may not end this blog. To be perfectly honest I don't know what the future holds. At this point I am just doing DIYs. I simply cannot keep doing what I am doing. I keep trying to find balance and make it work and it isn't.
As of yesterday, I sent this to my advertisers: 'I know it sounds crazy, but with two little boys, I just can't get it all done while still blogging full time. I will be going on vacation starting June 1...Essentially, and it is hard to admit this, but I have lost my work-life balance and direction. I need to reassess and plan and determine where I want to take the blog from here and I simply cannot do it while still blogging full-time. I wish I could, and I have tried for the past few months to do it all. So, a little vacation is in order. Thank you in advance for your understanding.'
I didn't want to say this to you guys because it makes me feel like a failure. I wanted to just duck out and stop posting and hope no one noticed. This is the kind of post you look at later and want to delete. So read it now, because I don't put it past myself not to remove it later on. I feel like all of my blogging co-horts have something figured out that I don't and I am just a sissy for stopping right now. I've got this sick feeling in my stomach from what all the bloggers, especially the ones I really love, will think that I just can't cut it, she's not made for this. To which I say, no, that isn't it at all. I wish I didn't care what you would think, and it's not like it will stop me or influence my decision, but I still care.
It makes me feel like I am quiting but at the same time I'm not. I guess I don't feel that way because I am still making content. I am still blogging, but just the stuff I love, I just don't need to worry about four things at once. I can make stuff and I can photograph it to show you how to do it, too. I see great potential in freeing up time in my schedule. I can finally have time to learn new stuff. Want a crazy random clue into my life? Since I started blogging I haven't read a single book that was just for fun and not learning. There is something wrong with that picture.
I have to admit I always read the stories of how the fabulous blogger is faced with the BIG decision about her blog to go full hog or go home. They always end up going full throttle and becoming huge successes usually involved with a great relaunch, a new website and a fabulous party. Stop it Jen, you are comparing again. Sorry. I guess I am going home, at least for a few months. It sounds so final and depressing, right? Like a failure, but it isn't. It is simply change. What is the quote that says if you keep doing what you are doing you will keep getting what you always get? Why doesn't anyone write about this decision? I have been mulling over it for months. I chose this option because I haven't figured out my rhythm. Who says we have to do it all? Who is this person saying you have to blog and have an Etsy shop and be on Pinterest and this is how you are a succesful blogger. This person isn't real she is just a little voice in our heads. I can be part of this amazing community and not have a blog of my own. Besides, isn't this a bit of redundant? Hey, check out my DIY over here and then shooting you somewhere else. I'm essentially a content provider and after a long deliberation with the voice in my head I've decided that's OK. I'm not saying I am 100% sure, I am just saying you don't have to drink the koolaid and can do whatever you like. I don't think I want to do it all and I need to find out what works for me.
After a bit of soul searching I have had an epiphany and it really says it all for my whole life. Every struggle, every crazed moment, every second of mommy meltdown is based on one factor. I am not a multi-tasker. Not in the slightest. I simply cannot focus on more than one task at hand. I wish I could, but I CAN'T. I know you aren't ever supposed to admit that kind of thing or say "I can't" out loud, but I am doing it. I forget things when I am not in the present moment. I forget things off of lists I am carrying while shopping Target for dinner, while telling the boys not to climb in and out of the cart, while making an imaginary list for such and such...No. All of these beautiful technological breakthroughs make it all too easy to keep going like we are going. So that is what I have been doing, struggling to keep going, all the while going faster and faster. I keep telling myself that if I can just get this done and that post up, I will have free time and I can finally sort out a plan. Well, it never does. Months have passed. The perfect moment does not appear when you finally scratch that task off your to do list. What the hell am I saying, the list never ends, there is something always popping up. I don't have a plan for the future because I am too busy keeping it going. I chose to make my moment. Now. Not later. Whatever I am doing right now is NOT working. So I aim to fix it.
I am still doing DIYs because I love them. It hurts my heart to think about not doing them. I have wondered about them, too. Like should I have stopped doing them for other people and just make my own blog crazy DIY town? I don't know, maybe down the line. I make pretty party decorations and show you how to do it. I'm pretty darn good at it, too. Somehow I fell into this, and I love it, but I know it is not the end for me...I don't know what that is yet, but I have that aching in my heart that I am going the right way. That I am somehow on my path I was always meant to be on.
When you tell someone that you create tutorials for party crafts they give you THAT look. Like it isn't really a job, just "pictures of crap on a table." Well, yeah, if you think of it like that, I guess it is. Just a stay at home mommy. Just a girl. Just a blogger. I just hate that word, don't you? It is so final and diminishing. Don't ever apologize for what you do if you love it. I am looking at you. Who gives a rip what they think? How about just kiss my keister and go be unhappy somewhere else.
So, I don't want this to sound like a pity party. When I start to explain stuff like this to people I get the "oh, hope it works out..." kind of thing. No. I don't want your pity. I'm not trying to sound depressing but hell, maybe it is. That's why I write about pretty stuff. That's why I have never shared about my life. So, yes, I guess I am overwhelmed. Ha, a mommy meltdown. Quite possibly. There. I admit it. I don't know how everyone does it so I choose to stop what isn't working and try again.
I am lucky enough that I get do this for joy, and something I am doing is not bringing me joy so I choose to just do the fun stuff. Is that really wrong? I'm not sad about it, is that crazy? Can you imagine? I am really excited about it. I am really happy about taking some of my time back, just in time for summer. So as of June 1st, I will be on an extended vacation. I will continue with our regularly scheduled programming until then. After June 1st, you will find me around the web at my various haunts, and new ones too. Eventually I will get the blog updated to be more of a portfolio link fest, but I can't say when it will be done.
I hope that this at least makes someone feel better about feeling crazy sometimes. I'm crazy all the time so, hey, I get you.
Hi, my name is Jenny and I make DIYs.
Reader Comments (22)
You are not JUST a blogger or JUST a mom! You're so many things and anyone who thinks of you as "just" something is an arse. Above all else, you need to do what makes you happy and brings you joy. Take care of your family. Share what you love when you can. Take your time and figure it out.
I think as bloggers, we put lots of pressure on ourselves and we burn out. It's hard! It looks easy, but it isn't. I haven't blogged since March and I'm relaunching next week for similar reasons. I just wasn't feeling it. I had too much on my plate. I know many bloggers have taken breaks and they come back after weeks, months, or even a year later. It's not uncommon.
P.S. There's nothing wrong with not being able to multi-task. There's studies being published as of late that even say multitasking is counter-productive. (BTW zenhabits is an anti-multitask advocate.)
You're doing AWESOME and its ok to not be perfect and to take a break :) I am inspired by your honestly because I think most people do everything to hide their imperfections. Believe me I am guilty of that and I know others that do the same. I love this post because I see how genuine you are and that is something you can't find too much of these days! All the best to you!
Honestly, I don't know how some people do it. Full-time jobs, full-time blogs, AND kids. When do they sleep?!
Take all of the time you need. Those who matter will support any decision you make and any path you choose. And those that don't matter, well... they don't matter.
Jenny, Jenny, Jenny... wow. You're not a multi-tasker? How disappointing! Well, disappointing to some other schmuck/s that think multi-tasking is awesome, anyway. Multi-tasking is for suckers. My two cents on that topic. NO ONE is good at multi-tasking. NO. ONE. We've just turned it into this cultural virtue by which people are desperate to appear good at it or suffer the consequences. You show me a good multi-tasker and I'll show you someone who has some aspect/s of their life falling apart behind the scenes - or someone who is perfectly content with pumping out mediocrity. Y'know why? Because we can't be good at everything all the time. Yeah, I have strong feelings about that subject. Y'know, in case I didn't make that perfectly clear?
Child, I hear you LOUD and CLEAR!!! And, you're doing fine with what you're proposing. If I'd known this is what was swirling through your brain the other night, I'd have kidnapped you for coffee of several cocktails and had a hash-it-out session... good n' proper. Seriously. I am feeling SO much of what you've written and wrote a post kind of about it a few weeks ago. You, however, were much more eloquent with your feelings. Bravo! There is no shame in your game and I am in full support.
And, the whole 'just' a blogger, etc. thing? Oh boy. Yeah. I get it. I think most bloggers do. I think a lot of artists, creators, creatives and, sadly, moms get it. And, that's another sad reflection on our culture. But, I'll spare you that soapbox. This time. ;)
Cheering for you,
Uncle Beefy :)
way to be brave. just like others are brave to start blogs and create businesses out of them, you are brave for taking time off and deciding to make a change here and now. good for you. and this is just as inspiring as all the other stories you allude to. some people are at this same point in their lives where they know things aren't working and they aren't enjoying life and the don't feel balanced, but it's scary to take that leap of faith...so thanks for being courageous enough to do so... and also courageous enough to share about it.
I think your post is beautifully honest. I think your honesty might allow others to reassess their lives without guilt too. We are not wonder women, we are human. We can do as much as we can do, and what we do do, we do with all of our hearts.
It is better to be 'you' than an internet facade. And YOU are AWESOME!
Hi Jenny, you don't know me, but I've been a fan of yours for a while now. And I just want to say, as a mom, and as a blogger with a side business, I've had a couple 'mommy meltdowns' too. I struggled with an episode of depression fueled by exhaustion and the feeling that I had no idea where I was heading with my life professionally. It was a pretty dark time.
It's incredibly hard when you're raising young kids. In fact, I didn't really start being able to 'find' myself until my kids were in school full time (my kids are 9 and almost 7). I've never NEVER been good at multi-tasking. I find if the blog is doing well, then the business is suffering. If the business is doing well, then the blog is suffering. If both are doing well (which I don't think has ever happened), then surely we've all eaten take out for days on end and I can't remember the last time my kids took a shower.
I guess what I'm saying is, I want to give you a big hug right now. Life is a marathon and sometimes we need to take a break at the water/food station to refuel.
Have a wonderful vacation!
xx
Good for you, mama!!! Here's to happiness, snow cones, "me" time, trips to the park and REALLY spending time with the boys. You will still go to ALT won't you? ;)
i think it's harder and more enlightened to decide to stop doing what you're doing than to keep going on the path that wasn't working. good for you for recognizing that and making a positive change. you see what's truly important in your life and you're making adjustments. i think blog-land is a happy place where people escape to and it gives a false sense that everyone's life is perfect. i keep reading more and more about bloggers who have lost the balance. just know you are not alone and you're making the best decision for your family! good luck, jenny!
When you tell someone that you create tutorials for party crafts they give you THAT look. Like it isn't really a job, just "pictures of crap on a table." Well, yeah, if you think of it like that, I guess it is. Just a stay at home mommy. Just a girl. Just a blogger. I just hate that word, don't you? It is so final and diminishing.
SO TRUE! I am experiencing this first hand with my friends- they CANNOT understand the fact that blogging is a job. A full time blog. If I want my pictures to look good and be eye catching that is. They sort of snort when they ask me to hang out and I reply with "Ugh I can't today I have to edit photos and get this blog up!" They think it's just my hobbie and that I'm choosing the blog over them! Not true. It's a job (and a fun job that I in fact love doing) and when I'm done working I'll play.
People don't realize how much time and mental and physical energy goes into JUST ONE BLOG POST. You have to think of the stuff, make the stuff, photograph the stuff (well), edit those pictures, get them up- and thenWRITE about it in a fun/engaging/grammatically correct-ish way! For ONE BLOG. One blog that will take a blogger hours to correct and seconds for a reader to scroll through.
Give us bloggers some credit folks. I'm proud of you for doing this. I hope you'll continue to blog though- more for selfish reasons- I love seeing your stuff. But I'd be just as happy seeing only personal posts and personal DIYs...maybe more happy even!
Enjoy your life girl!
This makes me feel great! I feel that being a student, working 2-3 days a week, running a blog and planning my future business whilst also taking an online class is just too much! I'm trying to do d.i.y around the home, cook healthy meals, lose weight, exercise, have a social life with my friends and partner. HOW am i doing it!? I'm going crazy half the time thats how! I'm a multi tasker, a list maker, and renowned for being one of the most organised people ever born, and yet I am going CRAZY. I'm learning to take control and MAKE the balance happen how I want it to. But dang, it's hard. So kudos to you mamma! You take that time to figure it out :) You deserve it :) (btw I just found your blog yesterday and love it! Take some time out and I'll spend those months catching up with everything else on here! It might not feel like you're gone, cause I'll still have a daily read :))
I just want you to know that I relate to your post 100%. My blog is small time but it's something all my friends and family members keep up with and a handful of people I haven't met. Well, and I contribute to my best friend's HUGE blog. BUT--everything else is the same! At this moment in my life, it is just too much. I can't be Mommy, Wife, Blogger, Photographer, Etsy shop owner, party thrower, church goer, good friend, good sister. I love what you said about technology making it possible to just keep going and going even when you can't keep up. I totally feel that.
The number one sufferers in this scenario are my kids. They grow up so fast and I want to get back to where I was before I let my to-do list get so out of control. Paying attention to them. Not trying to BE EVERYTHING.
I totally feel a pressure as a woman to "be everything". It's like now that you can be anything, we feel like we have to be everything. All at once.
But the truth is, there is time for other things later. When my kids don't need me so much.
Yesterday, after reading this, I totally just stopped all the chaos and played with my children. Didn't try to clean anything or create anything. Just played with them. And it was the happiest and most peaceful day I've had in months.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
Take a break. You deserve it! I know it's rough. So rough. I often feel this way. Before the wee one arrived, I felt I could accomplish so much more. My hits were better and things were at a great clip at the blog. Flash forward 17 months and things are slowing.....down because I'm not a miracle worker. So much is on the back burner. Multi-tasking is hard when there are little beings depending on you-- unpredictable little beings too!
I think you are doing a wonderful job, but I wish you a fantastic break anyway!
xoxoxo
R
I totally understand your struggle, I go through the same thoughts and i'm not even a full time blogger, I work a "regular" job 40 hours a week and then stay up late every night trying to get posts done. I applaud that you recognize what's best for you and I don't think anyone should fault you for needing to take a breather. I'm sure a lot of bloggers wish they could be more brave and do the same thing. We will still be here to read whenever you want to post, even if it's not 24.7. :) Best of luck to you!!
First, I need to say I have been reading these beautiful comments over and over this weekend and I wanted to first THANK EVERYONE for being so supportive of me. I knew I had terrific readers, but I really had no idea you were all so wonderful and kind. When I read these comments it makes me cry. Thank you. I finally had to sit down this morning and thank you, I honestly didn't know how to respond. It is just simply amazing. I've never known whether to answer comments on the blog here or through email. I usually do email, so please don't think I don't answer! I'll be working my way through these all morning!
Wow, does this hit home. It took me a while, but I decided to be happy with what I can do, and to only post content I want to post. Sometimes it seems like blogging has become some form of insanity. You're expected to be everywhere all at once. Guess what? I’m not, and I don’t care. It’s more important to me to connect with other people/bloggers on their own forums than to push my own social media sites/agenda.
You do what you have to do. I love being able to come here to see your DIYs and your crafts...they’re creative and beautiful. But don’t expend time and energy on something that’s adding to misery.
This post is more than understandable. I don't blog but I do have a full time design job which I love. I love it so much in fact that I have a tendency to work full tilt nonstop on multiple projects and I have trouble giving up those projects when I've taken on too much. It took me a while but I finally realized I was burning myself out and was able to reallocate some things to other people so I could have a lighter week or two. Coming to that realization though was incredibly hard and completely vital. Giving up projects and asking for help was a huge step as I'm terribly protective of all the things I have my fingers in. Taking that little break, even though it wasn't a full one was so incredibly helpful and I hope your break is as helpful as mine was. Once I had a little taken off my shoulders I was able to plan things out and had a vigor working on things which the weeks before had started to seem tedious and boring. I could devote myself to one thing rather than being SO spread out.
You create such beautiful work and the amount of time it must take...I can't imagine. I really hope that you find yourself and get to exactly where you want to be.
I am so proud to say that i'm a blogger and that I create tutorials and get paid for both! But when someone asks me if I work, and I tell them that is my occupation...crickets! I get that same confused and blank stare that you mentioned. When I visit your blog, which is often, it's a sparkly, magical place full of inspiration, and what a credit to you that is! i am really touched by your heartfelt post, and I can tell you that what you are feeling is common to all of us. i've been very uncertain about this whole " things I'm afraid to tell you" movement, because beautiful blogs are my escape and my comfort, and I don't like the idea of blogging becoming negative. But I have to say that your post is inspiring, honest, and does what I think we all really want from blogging: creates a connection and a sense that we are not alone in our struggles. I'm positive that you will figure out your path, and I wish you happiness and success in your future endeavours. Thank you for sharing an authentic piece of yourself with your readers.
Jenny - You are fabulous at what you do, and to be quite honest, you're the main reason that I changed the direction of my own blog. I saw how much joy you got from DIYs and I thought - "it's not a bad thing to want to do DIYs as a big part of my content".
I completely understand the need to take a step back, evaluate what gives you joy and balance. I truly value your position in this community and the constant inspriation you dole out! Just save some for yourself :)
Jenny! My gosh, we are going through the same thing, aren't we? I just read your post (you know 'just'... because I'm trying really hard to pull myself out of the internet sand and make some more me time for myself) but as you know I completely relate. You go on with your bad a*s DiY self and do what you've gotta do. I support you in full. If you want to chat more, you know where to find me. xo
Jenny!
AWESOME! i am so proud of you for being true to yourself and what you want and need. xoxo those little ones don't stay little for very long even though while they are it seams to be for ~ EVER!
i love this quote You can have it all just not all at once.
"Mothers who know do less. They permit less of what will not bear good fruit eternally. They allow less media in their homes, less distraction, less activity that draws their children away from their home. Mothers who know are willing to live on less and consume less of the world’s goods in order to spend more time with their children—more time eating together, more time working together, more time reading together, more time talking, laughing, singing, and exemplifying. These mothers choose carefully and do not try to choose it all. Their goal is to prepare a rising generation of children who will take the gospel of Jesus Christ into the entire world" Do not try to choose it all!!! Julie Beck
I know that could sound preachy in a real religious way but i could still find so much if i left the religious parts out that would apply to how i feel about not trying to do everything at once.
Be well and Trust Yourself. YOU are enough xoxo
It is beyond refreshing to read ths post and find the same thoughts
I have when I see other bloggers sites, accomplishments,
And "very put together" bloggy life's! Big thank you
For being so candid and transparent :)
I'm just starting to delve into the crafting world and
It is another dimension to say ths least! But,
I am having so much fun and passion. With my little
Blog ;) while living a blessed, crazy, exhausting life
Married to a awesome guy and raising 3 kiddos 8, 5 and
3 . Thank you Jenn!